The Vampire Elf Queen

Her name is Queen Ivory, and I love her because she is different from the one I knew before.

She is the elf queen of the Emerald Palace. She has long golden locks, bright blue eyes, and skin white as milk.

She tells me she loves me. “Human women,” she says, “they are so fickle. One moment they express interest, the next moment they have flitted away – pssh – after some colorful butterfly.”

“Ah, yes,” I say groggily, having become drunk on her darkenberry wine.

“They cannot sate you the way I can,” she goes on to say, locking my eyes with her ice-blue gaze.

“Perhaps not,” I whisper, the world swimming before my eyes. “But still – I loved her.”

“Did you?” she inquires. “You humans cannot even comprehend the meaning of love. ‘I love you, I love you,’ you are always blathering the words – but what the fuck do you think they mean?”

I shake my head, spilling my wine over the front of my shirt. Tears are pouring down my face.

“I suppose I don’t know,” I murmur lifelessly.

She comes forward to take my glass, then dashes it down against the stones. Broken glass skitters everywhere.

“Do you trust me?” she asks.

“Yes,” I whisper, looking dumbly into her ice-blue eyes.

She kisses me, sucking with her lungs, drawing the entirety of my soul from my body. Then she lowers her mouth to my neck, more vampire than elf, and drains the blood from my veins.

“You silly humans,” she whispers, patting my cheek with her warm hand. “You do not know what love is.”

My last sight is of her bright white dress, slithering away from me, as I fall down to the cold, bloody stones.

You’re Invited to the Halloween Ball!

Looking for something new and exciting to do this Halloween? Well, it’s almost here — so it’s time to start making plans! On behalf of the residents of Cemetery Drive, I want to personally invite you to our 300th annual Halloween Ball!

This ball has it all. We’ve got a totally chic setting:


I mean, come on — isn’t this place enough to make all your friends drool? We’ve been known to have a murder or two take place here, but it’s really nothing to worry about. And it’s been centuries since anyone was possessed!

But anyway. We don’t really care what you wear; but formal dress is certainly encouraged. Stylish gowns and snappy suits are always appreciated.


If you don’t have anything appropriate, and you’re feeling self-conscious — don’t worry! We’ve got lots of extra clothes that would suit you. Just check your coat at the door, and pick up an outfit! We hope you won’t mind that most of ’em were worn by dead people at one time or another.

Don’t you want to come and dance the night away? All the residents of Cemetery Drive sure to love to boogie; and they’d sure love to boogie with YOU!


If you get a little tired after a few hours of dancing, we’ve got plenty of cozy seating for you to rest your bones in.


Some of it’s a little blood-stained; but we assure you that we scrubbed as hard as we could! If you’ve ever tried to get blood out of a cotton cushion, I’m sure you’ll know what I mean.

And who knows — maybe you’ll meet that special someone while you’re here! The grounds around the manor have plenty of romantic spaces for late-night walks and chats.


Maybe you’ll meet a nice girl who wants to tell you about all the lovely people she’s killed recently! After all, a good conversation is the doorway to a lasting relationship.

And if you really hit it off — well, you might want to take that special girl upstairs, and show her a REALLY good time! We have ample lodging available, just in case that special moment presents itself.


And don’t worry. We sleep like the dead around here — so we won’t hear a thing!

So tell me. Are you tempted by the thought of our Halloween Ball? We hope more than anything that you’ll come to join us. We’re always looking to make new friends — and we promise we won’t bite!

Except for the vampires, that is.  I can’t make any promises for them.

Cemetery Drive’s 300th Annual Halloween Ball

Date: October 31st

Time: Begins at 8:00 P.M.

Location: 1000 Cemetery Drive, Graveside, Massachusetts

Drinks and hors d’oeuvres available at no cost to you! (Though you may want to bring your own napkins. Ours might be a little moldy.)


(This is an original piece made with illustrations from Alvin Schwartz’s Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. Illustrations by Stephen Gammell.)